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Friday, August 15, 2003

where did that come from?

You'd think I haven't been posting much because I'm so busy. Well, I don't think that's the case. I think I haven't been posting because a lot of the stuff that's going on right now is difficult to broadcast. We're just starting to face the divorce, I've been slowly losing my job for about a year, the future is uncertain - or not uncertain, but difficult. Things have been so easy on a lot of fronts for a long time. Now that we're trying to do something difficult (get a divorce) the whole house of cards seems to be coming down on top of us.

My saving grace is that I've come to know someone new and come to find something very special happening. This is tough for me to broadcast too because I'm not one who's prone to gushing and waxing poetic about my love life. So, pretty much anything I say about what's going on right now is understated here. If you read, as above, "I've come to know someone new and come to find something very special happening" you'll need to amplify that until you get to something like "I met someone who's knocked me off of my feet and it's great!" and even that probably doesn't do it justice.

I'm having the same self-conscious considerations that I had when I first started this weblog. But I still also have some sort of feeling of value behind exposing myself like this - to who knows who (but mostly people I know ). I don't tend to get Christmas cards out, or have a lot of other contact at all with my extended family ("family" used in the literal and figurative here). So this is it. This is where I keep in touch and/or tell my side of the story.

There's a lot of story that goes around in families - and if you're worth your salt - you'll be right in there with everyone, adding to it and selecting the family stories you want to see carried forward. There's the story of a family coming from Amherst, MASS to California in a large American sedan with the rear seat removed - replaced by a board - to fit all the kids and the stuff. There's the story of a couple buying a VW Bug and having it shipped to Panama in order to drive it the length of the Pan American Hwy.

There are some pretty serious stories going on right now too. I have some cousins in Iraq. I think about them often, wondering what they're seeing. I'm sure they'll have some stories to tell when they get back. There are dramas of birth and death playing themselves out all around me. I feel like, for the first time, I'm paying attention. It's been a long time coming, but more things are starting to matter to me. Or I'm allowing myself to carry the weight they posses. I'm sure this can only be a trend worth pursuing, but coming out of the cave of a malaise is a difficult and sometimes scary thing to do. Not that I have a choice. It's just happening.

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