Diigo Links

Monday, June 21, 2004

Mike Teevee goes over the rainbow, having been cast out of the Chocolate Factory, changes name to Mike Net


A recent visitor to this website suggested that the title might not be accurate; "Australia
Update" - I was hoping it wasn't obvious, but I guess it is. I don't tend to talk directly about Australia. I prefer to talk obliquely about it. I won't yet let myself get drawn in to making observations, statements, or proposing theories.

Last weeks eviction from the current Big Brother house chose to make some broad statements about Australia - without first becoming a citizen. He was dealt a few cruel blows for that. I'll let that precedent stand.

No, the update should be considered as subtle a commentary on Australia as it is on anything else. These are the ideas that float to me while swimming in the Tasman sea, doing the antipodean stroke (kick with your hands...) with the caveat; alluding to ideas floating in the Tasman sea is in no way meant to suggest it's polluted. But in that caveat I'd also have to include the double-caveat; by saying the Tasman sea is not chock full of floating ideas I don't also mean to symbolically suggest that there isn't a wealth of new ideas and innovation in Australia. And by totally belaboring this metaphor/caveat-device I don't mean to be sarcastically editorializing my position. Uh huh.

The update swims the fine line between deep waters - am I allowed to talk about where I'm from if I'm not there to live in it? or allowed to talk about where I live, not being from? Law says both. Mob says neither. Mob always rules in private, Law only in public. Where does the update reside? East of the equatorial rainbow, my dream in Oz, servers in Kansas (er, Texas). The old Mike Teevee tried to be the first person sent by Television, the rebranded Mike Net is just one of millions of people trying send themselves via the Internet.

I spend a lot of time on the net. I'm familiar with it, so the sea becomes that much wider. Which is not to imply that my Australia is a backwater - but it'd only take me a few hours driving to find any number of backwaters (on water restrictions no less). My Australia is more the other side of the coin than the other side of the world. I'm allowed a perspective from here on what I own.

I own being a Yank, a septic tank, seppo, a quiet American, a loud American, Americans are this, Americans are that, should keep their fingers out of..., don't see beyond their borders, should interfere less, should help more, out of control, absolute control, typical Americans. Banana, tomato, boot, trunk, fanny, bum, lolly, scrubber. No matter where I am now, I say things wrong. Either place. I can pass here if I keep my mouth shut there. I hear a lot. I'm a totally unintentional spy. I hear what they say. I understand and often empathize with the non-Americans, but I'll never be one, will never have been one. I am a unique breed of immigrant, a negative-immigrant, I'm not asking, I'm telling, extra-Commonwealth Imperial credentials. Exiled to the privilege of perspective, fly on the wall, in the ointment, in the soup. The less said about it, the better.
But then, saying less has never been an American trait.
-Yours, Mike Net nee Teevee (East of the Chocolate Factory)

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