Diigo Links

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

what do you mean there's no manual?

Recap of 2004:

I got divorced.
Met someone special.
Got married.
Got a new job (see what-I-do in previous post).

News headlines:

We're pregnant.
I've got a new postition (so if you read the "What-I-do" article you should change that in your mind to "what-I-did"), am moving into the challenging field of "Disaster Recovery" early in 2005.

Without putting too fine a point on it, 2004 was a big year. 2005 I expect will be even more impressive. We're very much looking forward to the arrival of the new portion. It's early days yet, but all of the white-coated-people-with-letters-after-their-names are nodding and smiling. This leaves us with a warm glow and a smile as well.

Big hands have been kneading our lives this year. I've had just enough time now to feel the impressive strength of the moment that leaves impression on the past, draws history back in to the fold and mixes it in through now again. We've put our own mix to the baker's hand (or the potter's wheel if you'd rather). Can't wait to see how this little cupcake turns out.

I'm actually quite a confident baker - which shouldn't be confused with being a competent baker. I have similar feelings about becoming a father. I feel like it'll all turn out ok. But I expect mistakes will be made. Realistic, no? I have some excellent examples on the family tree of men who can't bake, but are confident that, given time, necessity, and a manual -uhg, I mean cookbook- we could figure it out (not to mention probably inventing a "better" way or tool for the job that if we could just figure out how to sell for $1 to everybody...).

Another great trait I see on the family tree is patience. There's no need to be in a big hurry to finish a project. That's a great perspective for a father. If I was used to immediate gratification I'd be in trouble. I've been taught to expect to maintain hope in the face of undefined deadlines. I expect shifting goal-posts. I'm used to keeping my head in the clouds but my feet on the ground. I read about extra-ordinary people who do remarkable things (and sometimes I write about them), but that's got little to do with my work-a-day life. We, as a family of men, stand guard in the perineal boundry between fame and obscurity (see Team America: World Police to get the -extremely profane - reference "there are three types of people..." ). We are quietly confident, but not overly prolific.

Ah, but "The lady doth protest too much, methinks". Does a quietly confident person broadcast their confidence on the internet? Only the ones with a lot to learn and no freakin idea, like myself. The quietly confident who have gone before are now experienced and are truely quiet and confident. I'm more optimistic about becoming quietly confident than actually at that point at this moment. At this point at this moment I'm trying to get my head back on straight and pick my jaw up off the ground (after seeing the ultra-sound I was fairly incoherent for about two hours). So, I've got a ways to go before I've got it all under control. Just show me to the manual and I'll be fine.

(at this point: laptop crashes, bios can't find boot sector, reformat drive, reinstall windows in progress. Note to self: save often. back up important data)

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